Charlie Reis
Los Angeles, July 7, 2009 – When Forest Lawn Memorial Park Drive opened just after 10 this morning, fans mobbed the hearse carrying the corpse of King of Pop, Michael Jackson, causing the rear door to unlatch and the coffin to slide out.
Mari Gustafson, one of the first Michael Jackson fans to stand in front of the gates to the cemetery, described the unearthly scene. “Fans started rocking the hearse. The coffin came out. Then the lid popped up, followed by Michael’s body. People went for it like sharks, like Islamists after the blood of martyrs.”
And so began the Zombie Apocalypse. Unsatisfied to merely shred the shroud of the King of Never-Never Land, fans began to consume Jackson’s corpse. “It was like some sort of unholy communion,” Gustafson said. “They were eating his pale flesh and speaking in tongues.”
Reports that followed, although confused, relate a mass hysteria centered on synchronized movements and flesh eating.
“It began with Jackson, then the infected turned on the crowd.”
“I was here for Michael,” said Jose Palomino, a fan from Valencia, Spain. “Not the celebrities.” He began crying as he recounted how he had put off buying tickets to Jackson’s concerts, thinking they were simply too pricey.
“I’m at a place now where I wasn’t at just a few minutes ago,” he said. “I’m not here to say goodbye. I don’t even want to say goodbye.” At which point he bit a chunk of flesh of the deceased’s forearm. His head began to make rhythmic movements as his limbs began to stiffen.
He then began to move on members of the mob further from Jackson’s body, biting and clawing his way through.
“It began with [those who ate] Jackson,” Gustafson said, “then the infected turned on the crowd.” She wanted to get away from the throng, and purposely made her way to the cemetery rather than the public memorial at Staples, only to encounter a stiffly moving, yet expertly choreographed zombie apocalypse.
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